Jamba Juice

One year has come and gone ... a year full of "firsts" without Damien ... first birthday, first wedding anniversary (would have been our 5th), Colin's first steps, and firsts of all the holidays etc, etc. It's been a very difficult year filled with these "firsts".

But come to find out, these "firsts" have not stopped simply because the first year has passed.

Last Friday I came down with a pretty nasty cold, so I decided to go to Jamba Juice for one of their Coldbuster Smoothies. I didn't think about it much really ... just thought it would be good for me, seeing as I didn't really feel like eating anything. I took Colin to daycare as usual on Fridays, and stopped on the way home to pick one up. I parked and dragged myself out of the car and into the front door ... as soon as I got inside, I kinda froze up. It was a deja vu kind of experience. My head was spinning.

Then it dawned on me just why. You see, about a week and a half before Damien was admitted to the hospital that last time, he was having great difficulty swallowing. He had a horrendous dry cough typical of the disease, and terrible mouth sores due to the immunosuppressor drugs. And because of all that, he had a hard time eating solid foods. So I started making the daily trip to Jamba Juice, picking up smoothies for him just so he could get some calories. I would get him a different flavor everyday, all with immunity and protein boosts. He looked forward to it each day.

It's strange how such little things can bring back such memories.

Well, I made it out of there with smoothie in hand. And I've tackled yet another "first" on a long list of many.

And in these moments I continue to remind myself to "just breathe".