Damien "Joey" Joseph Kam

Damien "Joey" Joseph Kam
February 11, 1965 - August 28, 2009

Honoring the great Memories...

Damien's Memorial Plaque was installed January 16, 2010. It is located in the Garden of Reflection Memorial Book. Inquire at the mortuary office if you are not sure of the location, and they will give you directions.

Pacific View Memorial Park
3500 Pacific View Drive,
Corona Del Mar, Ca 92625


One day we'll disappear together in a dream

However short or long our lives are going to be

I will live in you or you will live in me

Until we disappear together in a dream


Damien's Memorial Plaque

Damien's Memorial Plaque


If you would like to contribute to Colin's College Fund in Damien's Memory:

Send a check to:

College Savings Iowa

P.O. Box 55119

Boston, MA 02205-5119

Reference #450079529-01 on the check

Or if you use Online Bill Pay you can issue a check as referenced above.

For more information regarding this type of account please visit: https://collegesavingsiowa.s.upromise.com/

A special thanks to Judy, Cyndie's Cousin, for putting together Colin's college fund.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

May Angels Lead You In ...

Tomorrow is my birthday. So hard to believe that another year has passed, the most difficult year of my life. I don't know where the time went. I miss Damien now more then ever, especially with all the holidays coming up. I think of him whenever I hear this song ...

Hear You Me
by Jimmy Eat World

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
I thought I might get one more chance.

What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in.

An if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big
God couldn't let it live.

May angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in ...

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

~Dr. Seuss~

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The girl in the mirror

I sometimes don't recognize that person staring back at me in the bathroom mirror. Is it me? Or the shell of someone who kind of looks like someone I used to know. I don't look the same, and I sure don't feel the same. I look so much older. Tired. Worn-out. Sad. Pale. Still trying to shake the baby weight. Bags under my eyes and hair thin from the emotional stress. I don't know if I really look like this or if this is just the way my mind now sees myself, if that makes any sense. Is it real or perceived? I think it's a little of both.

Tired Mom. Stressed-Out Widow. Half the person I used to be.

I hope I can find "me" again, somewhere under this stressed-out anxiety-ridden exhausted person that I've become. I hope to become whole again someday.

Monday, November 15, 2010


This is my favorite time of year. The air is turning cool & crisp, the temperature is dropping (with the exception of a few freakishly hot days here the past couple of weeks). The liquid amber trees that seem to be on every street start to change from green to yellow to red. The sun moves across the sky differently, and we see the most amazing colors at sunset. The days are much shorter now. The smell of wood-burning fireplaces fill the air at night. It wont be long until we see snow on the mountains again.

This is my 2nd Fall without Damien. Hard to believe. We both loved this time of year so much. Afternoon walks. Warm sweaters. Autumn leaves. The arrival of wintering birds. Sitting on the cool sandy beach, watching the waves. I miss all of it, shared with him.

I can start off having a semi-good day, then all of a sudden, and certain thought or memory of Damien gets in my mind and can literally take my breath away. It's kind of like gasping for air for a moment, followed by a nauseating feeling in my stomach. It's reality hitting me in the face. It only lasts a moment, but the feeling is intense. It makes me think of that song "No Air" by Jordin Sparks:

"So how do you expect me to live alone with just me? 'Cause my world revolves around you, it's so hard for me to breathe ... Losing you is like living in a world with no air."

It's really hard to stand and face the world alone, when I never thought in a million years I'd have to. But I've never once felt angry at Damien. I know that he didn't want to leave us, and if there was any way that he could have stayed, he would have. Despite the pain, I'm really grateful for the 10 years we had together. I'll always feel lucky for that. And of course for having Colin.

We just returned a few days ago from Hawaii - just visiting family. It was a nice trip and Colin had lots of fun with his cousins and Grandma & Grandpa. I had a few of those "can't breathe" moments ... I kept envisioning Damien as a little kid, running around that house. And as a college student, walking down the road. Of course I didn't know him then, but I could still see it, feel it. I saw him in my dreams too. They were so vivid ...

So now we are back home, and it's hard to go from a house full of people to our home with just me and the little man and 2 cats.

It's so quiet here ...