Funeral Blues

One year is fast approaching, and I can hardly believe it. While some things have gotten easier, other things feel like they've gotten more difficult. It is a long road, as I have been told by those who have been through it. And as I've said many times before, I'm so very thankful for my Colin, who keeps the joy alive in my heart.

I've always loved this poem, although it is sad. It really expresses the feelings of a person who has lost their partner in life. I've also posted the video clip of the poem being read in the film "Four Weddings and a Funeral". I like the way John Hannah reads it here.

Funeral Blues
by WH Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling in the sky the message "He is Dead",
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

In Memorium

How is it that I have a collection of Memorial pamplets already? I have lost some great people in my life this year ...

First and foremost, my wonderful husband - DM

Aunty Jane (Damien's mom's sister) - Stroke

Aunt Cookie (my Dad's sister) - Breast Cancer

Denise (my dear friend) - Heart Disease

~You will all be greatly missed~

A sad day ...

Today I am once again reminded of just how fragile and precious life is. I attended the Memorial Service of one of my long-time friends, Denise Reda. She passed away Monday, June 28th. She went into cardiac arrest on April 5th, and spent 12 weeks in the hospital fighting for her life. Sadly, her heart was just too weak. Denise was only 38 years old.

I will always remember Denise for her wonderful personality and infectious laugh! She was always so happy, and could make anyone in her presence smile. She truly cared about all the people in her life, and it showed. She loved the ocean, and all creatures big and small that lived in it. She loved music, especially U2 and Bob Marley. She had such a zest for life, which makes it so hard to believe she is gone. I will miss her, and think of her often. I hope she has found Damien, and is keeping him smiling :)

I've been sad this past week, thinking about it all. It's been a while since I've actually talked to Denise. It just makes me realize, even more, that we all need to make the time to be with the people we care about. So if there's a friend or family member you've been thinking about, call them. We are not guaranteed our time here. Make the most of it, and live each day to the fullest. I will do that, and think of Denise and her happiness, positivity, and her ability to embrace life.

I don't know if it's Damien or Denise (or both), but someone has been sending "comfort" my way this past week. The day after Denise passed, I got in my car to go run some errands, and I was just feeling upset. The minute I turned on the car, "Where the streets have no name" by U2 came on the radio. U2 being Denise all-time favorite band. Then when I jumped in that car later that afternoon, "Could you be loved" by Bob Marley came on. Probably Denise's 2nd favorite singer. Anyway, I smiled both times ... thinking of the times we had gone to U2 concerts together, and the Bob Marley Day Festival in Long Beach. Good times! The next day, I took Colin for a walk in his stroller around the neighborhood, and I was feeling down again. I turned down one of my favorite streets (Westminster Ave.) ... its a beautiful quiet street with nice houses and big trees. I could hear a loud car stereo playing at the end of the street (unusual), and as I got closer, I could hear Bobby McFerrin's "Don't worry, be happy" ... it was blaring from the little old car with the driver-side door open. As I walked past, I could barely see the girl in the car ... the seat was pushed all the way back and she was all but a shadow except for her leg hanging out. As I turned on Monte Vista to head home, the music stopped and the car sped away. That was so Denise! My head was at peace for the rest of the day. And finally ... today as Colin and I got in the car to go to Denise's Memorial Service, my stomach was in knots and my head felt like it had all the pressure of the world on it. Reality setting in. And once again, just when I turned the car on, there was Bob Marley singing "Three little birds" ... and from that, I found the strength to get through. As I turned out of the complex and onto the street, I found myself behind a van with a mural of a mermaid surrounded by all sorts of sea creatures. :) Thanks, Denise!

Don't worry about a thing,

'Cause every little thing's gonna be all right.

Rise up this morning,

Smiled with the risin' sun,

Three little birds

Perch by my doorstep

Singin' sweet songs

Of melodies pure and true,

Sayin', "This is my message to you"