New Year

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
~Counting Crows~

2011 has arrived, and I'm feeling at least a little bit of motivation now that the holidays are over.  I really feel like I have to change some things this year.  I can't keep drifting through the days.  Here are a few things I am determined to get done in the coming year.  Call them resolutions if you want.  I prefer to think of it as my To-do List. 

1.  Lose weight.  I know, this is everyone's New Years Resolution.  But I'm determined to do this.  I need to get healthy, and have more energy to keep up with Colin.  I am a stress/emotional eater of sweets and other bad things ... I have to change that.  I need to lose 30 lbs to get back to my normal healthy weight.  I don't think that's asking a lot of myself, is it?  I know I can get there. 

2.  Get the house and myself organized again.  I used to be totally organized - everything had its place, and I knew where everything was.  Then we had a baby, and all hell broke loose ;o)  Then Damien got sick ... I just couldn't keep up.  And it's been an uphill battle ever since.  You should see my garage (some of you have!) ... it's scary, and completely overwhelming to me.  There's so much stuff I want/need to get rid of.  But its a huge task, at least in my eyes.  I don't like feeling this out-of-control.  I have to change this.

3.  Get the finances in order.  The savings goes quickly when you're not looking (or paying attention).  There's a lot I need to cut down on.  Just getting back to the basics (do I really need 200 TV channels?).  I still haven't turned off Damien's cell phone.  I need to do that (it would save me money).  It's just a really difficult thing to do.  Each time I get rid of/sell/turn off something of his, it's like another little piece of him is going away.  And that scares me.  It feels like he's slowly fading away from me.  The thought of turning off his phone depresses me, which leads me to go eat a bag of cookies (see To-do List #1).  I need to sell some stuff and find some affordable health insurance for me and the little man (the COBRA just went up, and it's outrageous!). 

4.  Keeping Daddy's memories alive for Colin.  I have some ideas for this one, stay tuned ...

Just a few things to keep me busy and keep my mind from going to the sad places.  Hello 2011.