Overwhelmed

There are many days that I find myself saying "where's my head"? I feel overwhelmed by the things I know I have to take care of, and I seem to forget everything that I don't write down. Apparently it's called "widow brain", and functions much like "bridal brain" and "baby brain". Stress & emotions cause you to forget what you are doing, thinking, saying, going, etc. I've found myself driving and not remember where I was headed ... kinda like my brain was on auto-pilot, but sure where we were headed. It's so frustrating sometimes. What did I need from the store? Wasn't I supposed to do something today?



At any given moment, the things running through my head go something like: Where is my cell phone don't forget to return those phone calls Colin has music class tomorrow morning don't let the wet laundry sit in the washer all day my car is due for an oil change how am I going to find health care we can afford I need to call Verizon and turn off Damien's phone service clean out the cat box I can't find my sunglasses don't forget to put gas in the car Colin needs milk call the contractor about the doors what was it that I need to do tomorrow get a pumpkin for Halloween don't forget we're leaving for Hawaii in a couple of weeks make that dentist appointment etc, etc, etc.



Really, it's like that. A lot. All squashed together and going a million miles an hour. It has gotten better, but my mind still feels like its running round in circles. I used to be such a well-organized, put-together person. Having a baby shook that a little bit ... but when I lost Damien, that's when I really seemed to have lost it. I hope to get it back again someday.



Then I find that I just have to give up some of the control, and it's ok. As long as I get the important things done, the rest can wait. I simply need to remember to breathe somewhere in there.



Now, what was I doing???? Someday it will get better.