moving forward, one small step at a time ...

I continue to ask Damien for guidance in the things that I do, and I honestly believe he gives me the signs I need. It may seem strange, but almost every time I ask, something like this happens ...

A couple of days ago, Colin was playing in my bedroom while I was getting dressed in the morning. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth for probably less than 2 minutes. I came out to find Colin sitting on the floor, with a bottle of Damien's contact lens cleaner on the floor next to him. I don't know where it came from, but there it was. The bottle wasn't open, and Colin was just playing with his trains ... but at that moment, it just hit me ... I needed to get rid of all of Damien's medications and miscellaneous bathroom stuff. It wasn't useful, and the baby could get into it. It needed to go.

The funny thing was that I had just recently been thinking about this and pondering if I should just throw it all out. I had an entire box full of all of his prescription meds, some of them chemo drugs and very toxic (like Methotrexate and Imuran). Pain relievers, all kinds of cough syrups, stuff to help the rash. And a bunch more meds to off-set the side effects of other ones. It was sad to see them there, all together. There were no happy memories in that box. He was telling me that it was time to get rid of them, so I did just that today while Colin was taking his nap.

So I got them all out, wrote them all down to put in the huge 3-ring binder I have with all of Damien's recent medical info in it. Then I began the process of removing each one from it's bottle to dispose of ... some could go down the toilet, but most had to be sealed in baggies and wrapped up for the trash. I had to removed the Rx label from each bottle or package (for security reasons), then throw those containers away. It was a long and draining task, but I feel a bit relieved to have gotten rid of that stuff.

I decided to go through the rest of our bathroom as well ... I got rid of all his contacts and cleaners, eye drops, toothbrushes, shaving products, etc. I set aside a few things for Colin ... his favorite cologne, which he only wore on special occasions, his hairbrush, the one razor he's had since I met him, his glasses, and an old bright yellow striped towel he always took to the gym. I took photos of everything else, and out they went.

It was the right thing to do ... he told me so. I always keep my mind and heart open, to hear him. I know he will always look out for us and lead the way for what is next ...