You're a widow?

I wonder why it is that I can talk to family & friends about Damien's death relatively easily, yet when I have to tell a stranger that I am a widow, I nearly fall to pieces.  I can always feel my eyes welling up.  Maybe its the shocked and sad look they give me ... the one that says "Oh my god, you're a widow?, you're so young, and you have this young child, how did this happen?"  And these well-meaning strangers always want the details - I guess it's so unbelievable to them.  And that always opens the wound again for me. 

I took Colin to a free developmental check up at a local kids museum today.  It's a great service that checks your child's hearing, vision, teeth, motor skills, speech, etc.  I've been a little concerned about Colin's gross motor skills, and I've always noticed that his shoulder were slightly uneven, and he used to have a little bit of a head tilt.  Anyway, you have to fill out all this paperwork, including information on the father.  Then I have to explain it to the doctors, nurses, therapists, etc.  That just shot my day down.  As for the little man ... he has low muscle tone (common in Asians - who knew?)  and they do want him to go to a physical therapist to work on that, and his posture, and his flat feet (which totally come from Daddy!).  He'll be ok ... and I'd like to think I will be too.

Long day ... yes, I am a widow, and I'm exhausted.