Today has been a particularly difficult day for me, and I'm not really sure why. I've been noticing that things have been getting harder lately, and from what I hear from others who have been through the same thing, it's pretty normal.
I'm finding it harder to do the day to day things ... like cleaning up stuff & organizing. And it's still hard for me to tackle the stuff I still have to do for Damien. I want to do it, I just can't seem to bring myself to do so. I totally lack energy. I don't sleep well at night. I feel stressed & overwhelmed. I definitely don't feel like myself. Random memories make me cry.
Everything around here reminds me of Damien ... sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes not. I've managed to take his shoes out of the closet and move them to the loft, but that's as far as I could get with that. They've been there for weeks now. I guess I'm just not ready to let go yet.
I do try to push myself to make life as normal as possible for Colin, and that seems to help. I do most of the stuff we would usually do, like go for a walk everyday. He's been really clingy lately, I don't know if that's because of his age, or because he senses that something is wrong.
We will be leaving for Hawaii soon for Christmas. I hope the trip will help me to feel better. It will be nice to be with the family & in the place where Damien was from, but that could also be hard too. It will be strange to travel without him. It was one of the many things we loved to do together.
I just keep telling myself that tomorrow is another day ... and hopefully, one day, there will be a tomorrow that feels better.
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