My absent mind ...

There are still times when I feel like I've lost my mind ... literally - where did it go?  Part of it comes from having a 3 year old, but I think most of it comes from the loss of my partner in life.  There are still many times when I need him, and instinctively reach out for that which is no longer there ...
Last Monday, after having a rough morning with the toddler who woke up far too early for his (and my) own good, I managed to mindlessly slice off a good chunk of my pinkie finger with a mandolin.  It was lunch time, and there I was with Colin sitting at the counter while I made him a sandwich.  Then he said he really wanted some cucumber too, so out came the evil mandolin.  I sat there slicing away, staring out the kitchen window, tired already and wishing I wasn't so alone in this - then bam, the burning pain of the cut.  It bled like crazy, but I just grabbed some gauze and wrapping and figured a nice tight wrap would do the trick - which it did, for a while.  So later that afternoon, as Colin woke from his nap, I thought I had better check on the cut, because it was really throbbing.  The instant I removed the wrap, it started bleeding again - a lot!  And at that very moment, for just one split second, my instinct was to call Damien.  He would come home and watch the baby while I went to urgent care ... he would take care of everything ...

Was it from the pain in my finger, or in my heart, that caused this temporary mind lapse?  This still happens from time to time.  It's weird.  It's sad.  But it also goes to show how much he is still with me ... in my mind and heart.  He made a profound impact on my life.  And despite the outcome, I wouldn't change any of it.  I only wish we had more time together, all of us, as a family. 

My finger is doing ok, healing slowly.  My mom came over to take care of Colin while I went to the doctor.  And after all of that, he decided that he didn't want the cucumbers after all.