I just can't seem to get into the holiday spirit, other than doing things for Colin. I still feel like I'm just going through the motions. It actually kinda feels harder than last year, oddly enough. Time doesn't always heal, at least not right away.
I saw him yesterday, and it's been a while. I was cleaning out the hall closet, out of sheer frustration and nervous energy (shouldn't I have been wrapping presents or finish decorating the tree?). Sitting there on the floor, refolding towels and sheets, disposing of expired medicines and old nail polish. And there he was, standing above me with the same old pajama pants and white T-shirt, looking down at me with a sweet half smile half smirk that I had been accustomed to - as is to say "honey, you should go to bed now and not worry about that". For one split second ... then gone. No, I'm not crazy. It happens from time to time (though less frequently now) - I either see him, or hear his words in my head. I know he will always be looking out for us.
I miss him now more than ever. This will be our 3rd Christmas without Damien. So hard to believe! I miss having someone to share all of life's joys with.
Looking forward to starting a new year.
It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
Thought I couldn't live without you
Its gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
~Leona Lewis
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
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